By Brenda Alexander
I tend to ignore the opinions of black men who coin themselves the embodiment of a standup guy yet they have such minute views on women, relationships and marriage. As my good girlfriend Amanda Seales recently said in her interview with The Breakfast Club, “Everyone is not a thought leader.” We’ve all had to deal with these new norms from public figures over the past few years giving their opinions on black women as it relates to their value, how they should carry themselves, what they need to do to get and keep a man and so on and so forth. Tyrese has become famous for this, Steve Harvey credits himself as a “relationship expert” and T.I. inserts himself often.
T.I. has been sharing his thoughts on the non-necessity of marriage ever since Tiny filed for divorce in late 2016 after putting up with his shenanigans for years. According to him, marriage has served as a distraction, upon other things. A distraction from who or what exactly, I can’t wrap my mind around. I let that one slide however. But after his recent social media tangent where he shared an excerpt from a woman’s book or essay stating that men benefit nothing from marriage, I had enough.
|T.I.’s social media post on men not benefiting from marriage|
Let’s analyze how Tiny has benefited: she met TIP at the height of her success with Xscape when T.I. was an unknown rapper from the A with little star power who as their relationship and his career progressed, coerced her into playing a stay-at-home-girlfriend to tend to their blended families (she had one child from a previous relationship, he had two or three). Turning down business opportunities to play second fiddle to a man she was not married to for several years, instead of living up to her destiny at the time as a singer and songwriter. Meanwhile, TIP was out philandering whenever he pleased, getting into legal trouble that eventually landed him incarcerated for multiple years on more than one occasion while she held things down at home. After years of on-and-off mess, Tiny began to want more and a life independent of her roles as mother and wife (they married in 2010 post one of his releases from prison) much to TIP’s dismay. He felt that Tiny belonged in the home or building businesses outside of the spotlight UNLESS it was a joint effort between the two…enter Tiny and T.I.’s family hustle. He had input in every reality show and business venture that was brought to Tiny’s table and viewers witnessed that she almost always took his suggestions, despite the objections of many of her loved ones. After too much public embarrassment with TIP and his extramarital affairs, public squabbles and some sort of fling with Mayweather that sent TIP all the way over the edge, she filed for divorce, moved out of their marital home and finally made a musical resurgence. TIP seems bitter, continuing to make headlines for hanging out with internet thots and disrespecting the institution of marriage with his chauvinistic comments. So TIP, please explain to us how the woman, particularly your woman, has benefited in your marriage?
T.I. and Tiny
From everything that I just broke down, Tiny is the one who lost. She lost money by taking over a decade hiatus from touring and recording to be your superwoman. She probably lost friends because they did not agree with her choice of being a ride-or-die chick for you in a non-reciprocal relationship. And, in terms of men’s “masculinity dying” as a result of a marriage, yours seems to be, and has always been in tact, as you are ever the boastful and proud one. But, it wasn’t until your wife decided to do her thing that you felt challenged. It’s not a good feeling when those tables turn is it?
T.I. is the classic fuck boy of a husband; one that is controlling, builds up his wealth and showers his wife with material things that he believes will keep her suited while he sticks his hotdog in any bun moving. And, when the wife has reached her breaking point, he attempts reversed psychology and places blame on everything but him.
I will never forget the scene on their VH1 reality show where he and Tiny had a tense conversation about his multiple infidelities, including one with her employee, that he defended and deflected by comparing hers to the alleged fling she had with Mayweather, and the fact that he was “at odds” with him. Tiny shot back by saying that nothing physical ever took place but insinuated that he courted her by treating her like a lady, with T.I. countering, “I’ve spent millions on you!” Oh T.I., you really don’t get it, nor care to.
And I don’t even want to hear the bs that he’s a good father and has been a good provider. It takes more from a man than financial security. You also don’t get a gold star for doing your job as a parent. Moreover, a good father also respects and holds the mother of his children (and in this case, his wife) to the highest pedestal. So miss me with the rest. Furthermore, for T.I. to talk so much about not allowing anyone to disrespect his family, he doesn’t walk the walk.
But good work on your participation in the Black Lives Matter movement…
I see you.
Would you date or marry a man like T.I.?
Brenda is a Philadelphia native with a love for Marketing, Creative writing, wine and Jesus. Her work has been featured on Mayvenn’s Real Beautiful blog and she is the co-author of the book Christmas 364: Be Merry and Bright Beyond Christmas Night (available for purchase on amazon). Follow her on IG @trulybrenda_ and trulybrenda.wordpress.com