Love coach Tionna Smalls is telling girls to toughen up in her new book, Men Love Abuse. But before you think she’s telling you to haul off and box with your boo, Tionna wants to make it clear that she’s not talking about physical abuse.

“I never advocate for domestic violence,” she clarified. “It just simply means that a man likes a challenge. A man doesn’t like a girl that is all in his face. A man doesn’t appreciate a girl that stops her whole life just to make him happy.”

The idea for Men Love Abuse came from Tionna’s everyday life. After seeing her get Chilli to think about her love life more realistically on VH1’s “What Chilli Wants,” all kinds of folks have been clamoring for her advice.

“Ever since I did ‘What Chilli Wants,’ people approach me all day and they just tell me their love problems,”  Tionna told S2S.  “People were, once again, telling me their problem[s] with men. I said that, ‘You know what y’alls problem is? You don’t understand that men love abuse.'”

After she posted that though on Twitter, there was a flood of re-tweets that stirred up a conversation. There were “guys answering, girls replying.” That sparked the idea for her to write up some guidelines for love.

In Tionna’s experience, she noticed that the women who give up everything for a man, wind up alone because they don’t have anything going on for themselves outside of the relationship. A woman can’t be in her beau’s face all the time, and she can’t be at his beck and call.

For more of Tionna’s tips about how to get the kind of relationship you really want, pick up Men Love Abuse, , in stores now.