You woke up on the right side of the bed, sun shining, you’re smiling, holding your happy vibe all the way to lunch and then, it happens. And it always happens. You’re thrown off your center. If it isn’t the unprovoked rudeness the customer service agent is serving on the phone (I clowned with one yesterday morning and I need to do better), it’s your condescending boss, your husband that stays taking you for granted or your sister that treats you like your time matters not. You’re humble and dope and sweet so why do people treat you like crap?
While circumstances and other people (you should think of of them as ‘other selves’, it’s all you, boo) are largely out of your control, you can become aware of one thing. People are mirrors. They’re showing you what you deeply believe about yourself. They treat you in accordance with who you think and feel yourself to be. If you don’t feel worthy of reaching your goals, then guess what? The people you come into contact with have no choice but to reflect that belief back to you over and over again. So your belief that you can’t write a book (because you have nothing significant to say, or you’re not smart enough or witty enough, or generally good enough) gets reflected back as snooty literary agents declining to help you pitch, publishers rejecting you left and right and well-meaning relatives telling you that you need a plan b. And of course these ‘circumstances’ make you feel discouraged and you feel even less worthy and the ‘negative’ reflections keep coming up, staring back at you. It’s a vicious, self-affirming cycle. Trying to run ‘out there’ in the world and change people’s minds and manipulate circumstances is as futile as frowning in the mirror and expecting, waiting in anticipation for the reflection to smile. It won’t. It can’t, until you do! Once you smile, it’s reflected back. So don’t fight the reflections, change your self first—your innermost world, and the outer reflections change automatically. Feel yourself to be a great writer, and people and opportunities will flood in to your experience to show you that you are. They show up to help you along your way and cushion the blows. Show yourself compassion, give yourself love and respect and the people that appear in your world will be loving and compassionate as well. The ones who weren’t will either level up or you’ll lose touch in one way or another.
In other ways, people are also reflecting or modeling parts of our personality we’re ashamed of, hate or repress. If your mom does something that irks the hell out of you, you hate that same thing about yourself. The narcissistic ass chick in your office, she’s you too. That’s why it bothers you so much. Keep your awareness on this for the rest of the week. Whenever you get even slightly irritated, when someone pushes one of your buttons, investigate it. Ask yourself, ‘what’s going on in me that’s causing this person to work my last nerve?’ or ‘what must I believe is true about myself for this to be happening?’ When the answer comes, you’ll smile, feel lighter and automatically level up. When you see the negative belief, when you become aware of it, it’s already dead. No need to fight it or replace it with a positive belief. Just see it. It’s that easy.
Your other self,
p.s. This is also the secret to finding love– love yourself first, unconditionally and bae will appear. But since you now know the source of that love (within you, not ‘out there’ attached to that other person), the relationship won’t be a clingy or desperate, it’ll be fulfilling.