The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Me on twitter: Burn the capitalist system
Me on amazon: Check out my wishlist
— GABY DUNN (@gabydunn) March 14, 2017
Aisle seat: the tale of 100 butts rubbing against my arm.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 16, 2017
my version of self-destructive behavior includes lying on my bed while WebMd’ing in my towel & convincing myself i have incurable diseases
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) March 16, 2017
– Me deciding to do stuff.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 12, 2017
my favorite hobby is complimenting girls
— farwz (@farwzz) March 16, 2017
Trump’s asking Congress for $1.5 billion to begin work on the border wall. Someone should tell Trump that Congress isn’t his dad.
— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) March 17, 2017
There is a guy at the gym who showed up, wiped down the machine his girlfriend had been running on for her, and left with her. *dream man*
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) March 15, 2017
Don’t forget to turn your clocks forward to eliminate one more hour of the Trump presidency.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) March 11, 2017
Any dude on a dating site wondering why women are so bitter has never been on a date with a dude.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) March 15, 2017
I experienced a potato famine once; it was the longest night of my life.
Narrator: Ursula ran out of vodka.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 16, 2017
I’m not the Beyoncé of anything, but I’m the Michelle of like 7 things.
— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) March 17, 2017
Is being extremely pigeon toed a trend yet because if so I’ve got some model castings to attend
— Sam Escobar 👻 (@myhairisblue) March 16, 2017
People who absentmindedly hang regular-price items in the sale section, you’re ruining this for all of us
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 15, 2017
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 16, 2017
so weird…. hallmark didn’t have a card that says happy bday RBG but actually NOT HAPPY AT ALL PLZ DON’T GET OLDER 😩
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) March 16, 2017
It smells weird in here.
-How parents enter a room.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 17, 2017
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