Quad Webb Lunceford and Dr. Gregory Lunceford

 By Brenda Alexander

Their marriage started off rocky with them canceling the wedding just weeks before getting hitched only to turn around and jump the broom in a ceremony while guests watched with side-eyes at a later date. Being newlyweds on reality tv didn’t help. She took pride in being a stay at home wife while catering to her man only to fester into a real life version of Beyonce’s “Resentment.” He worked to maintain the household and yearned to start a family while she strived to establish some financial independence. She claims he grew to be emotionally unstable, became a nagger and increasingly made a mockery of her pain. Not helping were outside chatter from viewers and castmates that Quad was never satisfied. It was speculated that she loved the lifestyle he provided more than him and dragged him along while she climbed social ladders. The final straw was Quad’s emotional revelation that Dr. G was caught in an extortion attempt after an apparent hotel affair.

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After Dr. G made his media rounds this week telling his side of the story post Quad’s divorce filing, more was revealed. According to Dr. G, he and Quad were in a sexless marriage for more than half of their union with her sleeping in a separate bedroom beginning in their second year, refusing to have children with him, desperate to keep up with the Joneses and living lavishly off of her Bravo checks that he allowed her to keep to herself, and an overall disinterest in their marriage. All of which, led him to an ATL hotel to have a one-night stand that he swears he did not go through with. His alleged mistress tells a different story.

The easy thing to do in an unhappy marriage would be to seek outside counsel and if that doesn’t work, then divorce. But, life is not that black and white.

Affairs occur for different reasons: lack of connection and affection, two people growing apart, insecurity, revenge…In their case, it seemed to be a combination of all. I don’t condone cheating, but as I age I understand that situations lead people to do selfish things; and cheating is just that – selfish. But, I also am in tune with human behavior and when one feels like there is something lacking, they will seek it elsewhere and if what they are alleging of each other is true, what did they anticipate the outcome to be?

I spoke to a few friends to get their opinion and they had this response.
Male, been with partner for 3 years, age 26

Cheating is against your vows. But, there is clearly a disconnect in the marriage. Leaving is easier said than done. There’s history with most relationships, in some cases a family unit is built, time has been invested and of course that fairytale ending that everyone refuses to acknowledge. It’s a selfish act but it happens to the strongest of couples. People have egos and are unwilling to bend, always placing blame on the other instead of getting to the root of the problem. In Quad and Dr. G’s case, there were a multitude of issues and at one point, they both gave up. From the outside looking in, as a man, I could see how it happened. His desire for children was non-negotiable and she used that against him. She felt unappreciated and grew bitter. Every relationship is different but the reasons people cheat have the same underlying causes. The only thing different is the effect. Some can work it out and other who were already fragile break down and are irreparable. I am for trying if it’s only one offense but it takes both parties. Relationships and marriages are difficult and until you’re in it, you don’t get the depth of just how hard they are. If not, like Mariah says – GTFO if you are not fulfilled.

Another friend had a similar response but was not as forgiving.
Female, single, has been cheated on and left, currently not interested in a relationship, age 27

In my opinion, cheating is never understandable. A person should have the heart to break up or divorce the other if they are unhappy. In Quad and Dr. G’s case, they both wanted different things and neither wanted to compromise, yet neither of them took the step to legally separate to give each other appropriate space or file for divorce before the supposed scandal. Instead, the hotel rendezvous took place, causing deeper hurt. It was all avoidable. This is what cheating does – further damages a relationship, a bond and the other’s soul.

The common theme is that cheating is selfish, no matter the circumstance. For me, it does not have to be a full-blown physical, or as Dr. G claims, almost physical situation. Entertaining another man or woman with misleading conversations or outings is cheating. Social media messaging and emoji eyes as comments can be cheating. It depends on your intent. It all leads to a dangerous road if you’re not careful. I understand how it happens, but it’s preventable. So before you find yourself in an extortion scheme like Dr. G, take the necessary steps to remove yourself from the relationship.

Is cheating ever justified or just break up already? 

 

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