Human society is a bunch of people scurrying around trying to find pleasure, avoid pain and strike a healthy balance between safety and growth. They screw up a lot in the process.
In order to grow in relationships, you need to accept the risk of getting close to someone. To stay safe is to remain stuck.
When you take the risk and get hurt, you grieve the hurt and begin again.
You must make the decision to live your life as an adult instead of as a wounded child. Then commit to doing the work of moving forward instead of being a constant slave to the past.
If you don’t, you are choosing to relive a time you cannot change at the expense of the present where anything is possible.
A big part of this work is forgiveness. I’ve had to forgive a lot of people in order to be happy, the kids who bullied me, teachers who bullied me, my parents (especially my father), my ex-wife for leaving me and my boys for another man.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re okay with it, forgiveness means you’re done reliving it and choose to move forward. Yes, forgiveness takes a lot more than that but I hope you understand my point.
Forgiveness is necessary to be able to live here and now where life is created.
Your failure to move forward in life is no one else’s fault. Nazi concentration camp survivors found ways to forgive and move forward. If they can do that you can find a way to move forward from whatever happened to you.
But what if I can’t forgive? Then acceptance can be a way forward. It’s been said that “Acceptance is giving up all hope for a better past.” Though you may wish it hadn’t happened, it is the reality. As it is the reality that you still have a life to live.
NOTHING requires you to do this alone. Get the help and support you need to make peace with the past so you can begin living your joyful present instead of reliving your painful past.