Dear Abiola,
I have been married to my dear husband for two and a half
years. Unfortunately, I have also been having revenge sex with a man at
work for two years.

Continue

It may sound like a mess, but my husband cheated first. I found out
two days before we got married that he had been sleeping with the mother
of his son. She was the one who told me, hoping I would cancel my
wedding. I didn’t give her the satisfaction. We were together for about
18 months before we got married and he was still having sex with his
baby’s mother during almost a year of that time.

I was devastated, but I agreed to go ahead with the wedding. About a
month later, I decided to flirt back with this much younger man at my
job. I am 39, my husband is 42, and the guy I cheated with is 27. My
young “boyfriend” is actually my employee.

Bae really gave me my life back. It was like something off of TV.

One of us would text and then we would meet up and get it however,
wherever – my car, his car, hotels, motels, his garage, the small
company bathroom in the basement. This man rocked my world. I always
told my husband I had “work emergencies.”

Then I was finally able to TRULY forgive my husband for everything
because we started going to therapy. I have fallen back in love with my
man and we are very happy together. The therapist said we needed to come
clean about everything from our pasts. We even had a therapy session
with the ex baby mama since I have to still interact with her. But the
therapist was talking about him coming clean not me — because nobody
else knows what I have been up to.

A few times I have tried to break it off with my employee but he
threatened to tell my husband if I don’t keep sexing him. He has
explicit photos and and intimate texts from me and says he won’t give up
without a fight. He claims to be in love with me. The affair is no
longer fun because now I feel like I am being forced. I don’t want to
break up my home and my marriage. Things with my man are finally working
out.

I have thought about maybe convincing my husband that we need to move
to another city. But I have a great position I worked very hard for in
my field and I just hit the $100K mark. We also want to still have our
own babies while we can.

My question to you is: do I need to tell my husband about the affair? Or should I just keep my mouth shut? What should I do?

Signed,
Caught Between a Man and a Hard Place

Find My Answer on ESSENCE.com

xoxo, Abiola

P.S. You can find my sacred self-esteem and sensuality advice column on ESSENCE.com and meanwhile, I am proud to introduce a new Sacred Bombshell column, ‘One Man’s Advice.’

‘One Man’s Advice’ from Brent Reeves is your love, sexuality, dating,
marriage, and relationship advice from a man’s point of view. Keep Reading!

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